Nov. 28, 2007

Oh dear. It’s been a while. I’m very… standoffish because I’m unsure of
where you stand. In addition, I am probably reading into things in a way
that I shouldn’t.

I sit here thinking about you, just as I did yesterday, the day before, and the
day before that.

Where the hell did this come from? I ask you because this is a whammy. I
never expected it and not from you.

Are you just connecting because you know the darkest parts of me or are
you maybe attracted to the darkest parts of me? Where you attracted to me
before you knew the darkest parts of me or only after? Hell, are you
Darkest Parts
attracted to me at all?

You ask me, “How does my Yahoo Personals profile look?” I scream in my head, “Take it down!”

You say, “I once loved a girl that owned a VW with a bad heater.” I scream in my head, “I owned a VW with a bad
heater!”

You say, “I loved to park, wrap myself in a blanket sharing her heat, and watch the stars.” I scream in my head,
“Oh… shit. I soooo love that too!”

You ask, “Should I cut my hair?” I scream in my head, “Not until I can wrap myself in it at least once! Oh, please.
Oh, please, let me run my fingers through it… and maybe, just maybe, pull.”

With gentle finger wisps you say, “I loved drawing flowers. I think it was the curve of the petals.” I scream in my
head, “Draw on me!” I frantically point as I giggle. “Use that finger right there…”

You say, “I want someone who gets me.” I scream in my head, “Do we not talk about music, art, the String Theory,
and relationships?”

On the other hand, the subjects that you have brought up were directly related to things that you recently found out
about me. Or, are they subjects that I recently found out about you?

See, I’ve noticed the brightness in your laugh, and I’ve heard your almost girly giggle when we laugh. Wait… that
might be me.

I do know that you know… you’re safe being totally yourself around me.

I feel your heat even though I haven’t seen you in three days. I can’t get you off my damn mind. You’re drivin’ me
absolutely insane… mentally and physically. I’ve thought of things that I haven’t thought about in years. I so feel
dirty.

Most of all, I guess I don’t like my uncontrollable reactions. I haven’t stopped smilin’ for days. I look like a fuckin’
goof. You are freakin’ me the f’ out, dude.

It’s sorta a good freak. I’m trying to savor it like a scrumptious piece of chocolate that you force yourself to savor
slowly rather than chew.

I deserve love, right?

Cindy Callinsky
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