Real Men Don't Have Mental Illness– By Sam Priestley
As a man who never got sick and declared he didn’t have time for it, a member of my family, who I
shan’t name, had a hard time accepting that he had a problem. Not only was illness a sign of weakness
to him, but emotions were particularly tricky and best avoided. They certainly shouldn’t be put on
display at all. He was like a lot of men, I supposed.
But as it turned out it was much more than that, and there’s only so long a person can keep a lid on
psychological difficulties, no matter how hard they try.
We were in our early twenties and on a family holiday when one night he confided in me. I’m sure he
didn’t mean to and it just came out, probably because he’d let it go for so long without saying a word to
anyone, if he didn’t speak about it soon it would completely take over his life.
He started crying for no reason, or none that I could see. Because of the type of man he was I found
this quite alarming and knew there must be something very wrong. He told me he had no idea what was
wrong with him, other than that he was sure he was going mad. He said he was having terrible thoughts,
uncontrollable, black thoughts, and the more he tried to rid his mind of them, the more they persisted.
I have to admit I was scared. We’d all like to think that when faced with a family member in distress we’
d do our best to comfort them, but problems of the mind are things other people can’t see and have no
way of knowing how to deal with.
I did my best. I comforted him and made him promise to speak to a doctor, which I’m happy to say he
did.
He was told he was experiencing intrusive thoughts, something I had never heard of before.
It’s hard to explain to people who have never suffered with such a problem just what this is, but it
seems he was incapable of controlling his darkest thoughts. I believe this can be much more problematic
for some people, leading them to be convinced they are capable of the most terrible things, and
sometimes even believing they have done those things. This is perhaps why it scares others so much. It’
s hard to draw a line between a thought and an act. But intrusive thoughts are just that and they stay
where they are. They are thoughts.
He was sent to a support group and offered plenty of help. Thankfully, as his case was a relatively mild
one, no further action was needed.
Years on, I think the man I’m speaking of still finds his problem a difficult thing to admit to. He knows
that people won’t understand and he’s still ashamed of it. He’s learned how to control the thoughts and
how to live with it, but it will always be there. Added to all that is the extra dimension of him being a
man. He won’t allow himself to appear weak in any way. Although he now knows it isn’t true, he still
keeps up the pretence that men, real men, just don’t get ill. And they certainly don’t suffer with
problems of the mind.
~ Sam Priestley
As a man who never got sick and declared he didn’t have time for it, a member of my family, who I
shan’t name, had a hard time accepting that he had a problem. Not only was illness a sign of weakness
to him, but emotions were particularly tricky and best avoided. They certainly shouldn’t be put on
display at all. He was like a lot of men, I supposed.
But as it turned out it was much more than that, and there’s only so long a person can keep a lid on
psychological difficulties, no matter how hard they try.
We were in our early twenties and on a family holiday when one night he confided in me. I’m sure he
didn’t mean to and it just came out, probably because he’d let it go for so long without saying a word to
anyone, if he didn’t speak about it soon it would completely take over his life.
He started crying for no reason, or none that I could see. Because of the type of man he was I found
this quite alarming and knew there must be something very wrong. He told me he had no idea what was
wrong with him, other than that he was sure he was going mad. He said he was having terrible thoughts,
uncontrollable, black thoughts, and the more he tried to rid his mind of them, the more they persisted.
I have to admit I was scared. We’d all like to think that when faced with a family member in distress we’
d do our best to comfort them, but problems of the mind are things other people can’t see and have no
way of knowing how to deal with.
I did my best. I comforted him and made him promise to speak to a doctor, which I’m happy to say he
did.
He was told he was experiencing intrusive thoughts, something I had never heard of before.
It’s hard to explain to people who have never suffered with such a problem just what this is, but it
seems he was incapable of controlling his darkest thoughts. I believe this can be much more problematic
for some people, leading them to be convinced they are capable of the most terrible things, and
sometimes even believing they have done those things. This is perhaps why it scares others so much. It’
s hard to draw a line between a thought and an act. But intrusive thoughts are just that and they stay
where they are. They are thoughts.
He was sent to a support group and offered plenty of help. Thankfully, as his case was a relatively mild
one, no further action was needed.
Years on, I think the man I’m speaking of still finds his problem a difficult thing to admit to. He knows
that people won’t understand and he’s still ashamed of it. He’s learned how to control the thoughts and
how to live with it, but it will always be there. Added to all that is the extra dimension of him being a
man. He won’t allow himself to appear weak in any way. Although he now knows it isn’t true, he still
keeps up the pretence that men, real men, just don’t get ill. And they certainly don’t suffer with
problems of the mind.
~ Sam Priestley
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