Mental Illness Harms Family and Friends By E. Beidleman
Someday, hopefully in the near future, someone will find the key to the system’s
imbalance. I firmly believe that the problem is basically physical, and that the
“mental” disorders spring from the mind’s attempts to struggle against an
unconquerable disease. It’s a pitiful struggle to watch. Imagine what it must be like
to know that there’s something horribly wrong with you, and to believe that you have
to hide it from the world. It would consume every thought, every moment, and
every breath.
The chances are good that you don’t even realize that you’re living with someone
with mental illness. It isn’t always clearly defined. In fact, most of us have gone
through periods in our lives when we were as completely out of harmony, both
mentally and emotionally, as someone who has been diagnosed as being mentally ill.
The difference is that our situation is temporary, usually brought on by outside
influences. It is not necessarily going to be repeated.
I lived for forty years with someone who was clinically depressed. It wasn’t a
twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week, situation. Or perhaps it was, and it
only manifested itself to other people when it was at a peak. But it was consistent, it
always returned, and it didn’t have to be triggered by any outside stimuli.
And there was no way I could help.
Reaction to my well-meaning attempts to help carry the unseen burden was always
harsh. I was repulsed. I was rejected. At best I was treated as an annoyance,
something to be brushed aside because I couldn’t understand. Well, the truth was
that I couldn’t. How could I? What I did understand was the feeling of rejection,
and being human, eventually I didn’t continue to put myself in a position to be hurt.
That, of course, simply renewed the cycle—for both of us.
In my case, the other person refused to admit to having a problem. That meant no
psychological help, and no physical aid. Many mental illnesses can be balanced by
medications, sometimes with something as simple as vitamin and mineral
supplements. But whatever the trouble, it has almost always been a long time in
building up, and the patient needs psychological help. We tend to misunderstand the
reasons for psychological help. A person who is mentally ill has been struggling
against unfair odds for a good part of his life, and he has become a master at hiding
things—even from himself. This is a form of survival instinct. A psychologist
doesn’t cure us, but a psychologist is trained in pinpointing the right problems we’ve
tried to hide, and bringing them to our attention. Recognizing them for what they are
helps us cure ourselves.
Medication is only there to balance our physical systems so that we can heal our
souls. It is used as a diabetic uses insulin. The diabetic, however, still has to learn
how to control his diet. It is much simpler when his physical needs aren’t spiking
and dropping and generally upsetting his ability to function mentally as well as
physically.
Two close friends of mine lost their fathers to suicide. It happened early in their
lives. To this day, both of them are angry with their fathers, rather than sorry for
them. That’s the way they’ve decided to handle what amounted to a betrayal. Anger
is a powerful emotional outlet—though rarely a good one over the long term. My
friends have never fully come to terms with what their fathers were facing. One
father had always tried to keep a happy face for the world. His daughter is
particularly angry about that. It gave her, in her secret mind, no chance to help him.
Counseling might help her understand that the knowledge still wouldn’t have made it
possible for her to “save” him. That was out of her control.
Depression, quite simply, is out of a person’s control, especially when it’s a case of
clinical depression. It’s the medication that offers a chance for the victim to utilize
other methods of battling it. When the body and mind are balanced enough, exercise
can be useful, as can the art of learning to stay mentally and physically busy.
If you’re clinically depressed, you have plenty to do in trying to help yourself, but
when you are balanced, please take the trouble to talk with those around you, to
explain that you are never truly repulsing them. Mental illness holds many captives in
its grip, and only a small number of them actually suffer from the disease. Parents,
spouses, siblings, and children, all suffer along with the patient. The more they care,
the more they suffer. To a large degree, our characters are formed by our
environment, so the better the environment, the better the chances will be for a
healthy character.
~E. Beidleman
Someday, hopefully in the near future, someone will find the key to the system’s
imbalance. I firmly believe that the problem is basically physical, and that the
“mental” disorders spring from the mind’s attempts to struggle against an
unconquerable disease. It’s a pitiful struggle to watch. Imagine what it must be like
to know that there’s something horribly wrong with you, and to believe that you have
to hide it from the world. It would consume every thought, every moment, and
every breath.
The chances are good that you don’t even realize that you’re living with someone
with mental illness. It isn’t always clearly defined. In fact, most of us have gone
through periods in our lives when we were as completely out of harmony, both
mentally and emotionally, as someone who has been diagnosed as being mentally ill.
The difference is that our situation is temporary, usually brought on by outside
influences. It is not necessarily going to be repeated.
I lived for forty years with someone who was clinically depressed. It wasn’t a
twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week, situation. Or perhaps it was, and it
only manifested itself to other people when it was at a peak. But it was consistent, it
always returned, and it didn’t have to be triggered by any outside stimuli.
And there was no way I could help.
Reaction to my well-meaning attempts to help carry the unseen burden was always
harsh. I was repulsed. I was rejected. At best I was treated as an annoyance,
something to be brushed aside because I couldn’t understand. Well, the truth was
that I couldn’t. How could I? What I did understand was the feeling of rejection,
and being human, eventually I didn’t continue to put myself in a position to be hurt.
That, of course, simply renewed the cycle—for both of us.
In my case, the other person refused to admit to having a problem. That meant no
psychological help, and no physical aid. Many mental illnesses can be balanced by
medications, sometimes with something as simple as vitamin and mineral
supplements. But whatever the trouble, it has almost always been a long time in
building up, and the patient needs psychological help. We tend to misunderstand the
reasons for psychological help. A person who is mentally ill has been struggling
against unfair odds for a good part of his life, and he has become a master at hiding
things—even from himself. This is a form of survival instinct. A psychologist
doesn’t cure us, but a psychologist is trained in pinpointing the right problems we’ve
tried to hide, and bringing them to our attention. Recognizing them for what they are
helps us cure ourselves.
Medication is only there to balance our physical systems so that we can heal our
souls. It is used as a diabetic uses insulin. The diabetic, however, still has to learn
how to control his diet. It is much simpler when his physical needs aren’t spiking
and dropping and generally upsetting his ability to function mentally as well as
physically.
Two close friends of mine lost their fathers to suicide. It happened early in their
lives. To this day, both of them are angry with their fathers, rather than sorry for
them. That’s the way they’ve decided to handle what amounted to a betrayal. Anger
is a powerful emotional outlet—though rarely a good one over the long term. My
friends have never fully come to terms with what their fathers were facing. One
father had always tried to keep a happy face for the world. His daughter is
particularly angry about that. It gave her, in her secret mind, no chance to help him.
Counseling might help her understand that the knowledge still wouldn’t have made it
possible for her to “save” him. That was out of her control.
Depression, quite simply, is out of a person’s control, especially when it’s a case of
clinical depression. It’s the medication that offers a chance for the victim to utilize
other methods of battling it. When the body and mind are balanced enough, exercise
can be useful, as can the art of learning to stay mentally and physically busy.
If you’re clinically depressed, you have plenty to do in trying to help yourself, but
when you are balanced, please take the trouble to talk with those around you, to
explain that you are never truly repulsing them. Mental illness holds many captives in
its grip, and only a small number of them actually suffer from the disease. Parents,
spouses, siblings, and children, all suffer along with the patient. The more they care,
the more they suffer. To a large degree, our characters are formed by our
environment, so the better the environment, the better the chances will be for a
healthy character.
~E. Beidleman
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