Mental Illness Harms Family and Friends By E. Beidleman
Someday, hopefully in the near future, someone will find the key to the system’s imbalance. I firmly
believe that the problem is basically physical, and that the “mental” disorders spring from the mind’s
attempts to struggle against an unconquerable disease. It’s a pitiful struggle to watch. Imagine what it
must be like to know that there’s something horribly wrong with you, and to believe that you have to
hide it from the world. It would consume every thought, every moment, and every breath.
The chances are good that you don’t even realize that you’re living with someone with mental illness. It
isn’t always clearly defined. In fact, most of us have gone through periods in our lives when we were as
completely out of harmony, both mentally and emotionally, as someone who has been diagnosed as being
mentally ill. The difference is that our situation is temporary, usually brought on by outside influences.
It is not necessarily going to be repeated.
I lived for forty years with someone who was clinically depressed. It wasn’t a twenty-four hours a day,
seven days a week, situation. Or perhaps it was, and it only manifested itself to other people when it
was at a peak. But it was consistent, it always returned, and it didn’t have to be triggered by any outside
stimuli.
And there was no way I could help.
Reaction to my well-meaning attempts to help carry the unseen burden was always harsh. I was
repulsed. I was rejected. At best I was treated as an annoyance, something to be brushed aside because
I couldn’t understand. Well, the truth was that I couldn’t. How could I? What I did understand was
the feeling of rejection, and being human, eventually I didn’t continue to put myself in a position to be
hurt. That, of course, simply renewed the cycle—for both of us.
In my case, the other person refused to admit to having a problem. That meant no psychological help,
and no physical aid. Many mental illnesses can be balanced by medications, sometimes with something
as simple as vitamin and mineral supplements. But whatever the trouble, it has almost always been a long
time in building up, and the patient needs psychological help. We tend to misunderstand the reasons for
psychological help. A person who is mentally ill has been struggling against unfair odds for a good part
of his life, and he has become a master at hiding things—even from himself. This is a form of survival
instinct. A psychologist doesn’t cure us, but a psychologist is trained in pinpointing the right problems
we’ve tried to hide, and bringing them to our attention. Recognizing them for what they are helps us
cure ourselves.
Medication is only there to balance our physical systems so that we can heal our souls. It is used as a
diabetic uses insulin. The diabetic, however, still has to learn how to control his diet. It is much simpler
when his physical needs aren’t spiking and dropping and generally upsetting his ability to function
mentally as well as physically.
Two close friends of mine lost their fathers to suicide. It happened early in their lives. To this day, both
of them are angry with their fathers, rather than sorry for them. That’s the way they’ve decided to
handle what amounted to a betrayal. Anger is a powerful emotional outlet—though rarely a good one
over the long term. My friends have never fully come to terms with what their fathers were facing. One
father had always tried to keep a happy face for the world. His daughter is particularly angry about that.
It gave her, in her secret mind, no chance to help him. Counseling might help her understand that the
knowledge still wouldn’t have made it possible for her to “save” him. That was out of her control.
Depression, quite simply, is out of a person’s control, especially when it’s a case of clinical depression.
It’s the medication that offers a chance for the victim to utilize other methods of battling it. When the
body and mind are balanced enough, exercise can be useful, as can the art of learning to stay mentally
and physically busy.
If you’re clinically depressed, you have plenty to do in trying to help yourself, but when you are
balanced, please take the trouble to talk with those around you, to explain that you are never truly
repulsing them. Mental illness holds many captives in its grip, and only a small number of them actually
suffer from the disease. Parents, spouses, siblings, and children, all suffer along with the patient. The
more they care, the more they suffer. To a large degree, our characters are formed by our environment,
so the better the environment, the better the chances will be for a healthy character.
~E. Beidleman
Someday, hopefully in the near future, someone will find the key to the system’s imbalance. I firmly
believe that the problem is basically physical, and that the “mental” disorders spring from the mind’s
attempts to struggle against an unconquerable disease. It’s a pitiful struggle to watch. Imagine what it
must be like to know that there’s something horribly wrong with you, and to believe that you have to
hide it from the world. It would consume every thought, every moment, and every breath.
The chances are good that you don’t even realize that you’re living with someone with mental illness. It
isn’t always clearly defined. In fact, most of us have gone through periods in our lives when we were as
completely out of harmony, both mentally and emotionally, as someone who has been diagnosed as being
mentally ill. The difference is that our situation is temporary, usually brought on by outside influences.
It is not necessarily going to be repeated.
I lived for forty years with someone who was clinically depressed. It wasn’t a twenty-four hours a day,
seven days a week, situation. Or perhaps it was, and it only manifested itself to other people when it
was at a peak. But it was consistent, it always returned, and it didn’t have to be triggered by any outside
stimuli.
And there was no way I could help.
Reaction to my well-meaning attempts to help carry the unseen burden was always harsh. I was
repulsed. I was rejected. At best I was treated as an annoyance, something to be brushed aside because
I couldn’t understand. Well, the truth was that I couldn’t. How could I? What I did understand was
the feeling of rejection, and being human, eventually I didn’t continue to put myself in a position to be
hurt. That, of course, simply renewed the cycle—for both of us.
In my case, the other person refused to admit to having a problem. That meant no psychological help,
and no physical aid. Many mental illnesses can be balanced by medications, sometimes with something
as simple as vitamin and mineral supplements. But whatever the trouble, it has almost always been a long
time in building up, and the patient needs psychological help. We tend to misunderstand the reasons for
psychological help. A person who is mentally ill has been struggling against unfair odds for a good part
of his life, and he has become a master at hiding things—even from himself. This is a form of survival
instinct. A psychologist doesn’t cure us, but a psychologist is trained in pinpointing the right problems
we’ve tried to hide, and bringing them to our attention. Recognizing them for what they are helps us
cure ourselves.
Medication is only there to balance our physical systems so that we can heal our souls. It is used as a
diabetic uses insulin. The diabetic, however, still has to learn how to control his diet. It is much simpler
when his physical needs aren’t spiking and dropping and generally upsetting his ability to function
mentally as well as physically.
Two close friends of mine lost their fathers to suicide. It happened early in their lives. To this day, both
of them are angry with their fathers, rather than sorry for them. That’s the way they’ve decided to
handle what amounted to a betrayal. Anger is a powerful emotional outlet—though rarely a good one
over the long term. My friends have never fully come to terms with what their fathers were facing. One
father had always tried to keep a happy face for the world. His daughter is particularly angry about that.
It gave her, in her secret mind, no chance to help him. Counseling might help her understand that the
knowledge still wouldn’t have made it possible for her to “save” him. That was out of her control.
Depression, quite simply, is out of a person’s control, especially when it’s a case of clinical depression.
It’s the medication that offers a chance for the victim to utilize other methods of battling it. When the
body and mind are balanced enough, exercise can be useful, as can the art of learning to stay mentally
and physically busy.
If you’re clinically depressed, you have plenty to do in trying to help yourself, but when you are
balanced, please take the trouble to talk with those around you, to explain that you are never truly
repulsing them. Mental illness holds many captives in its grip, and only a small number of them actually
suffer from the disease. Parents, spouses, siblings, and children, all suffer along with the patient. The
more they care, the more they suffer. To a large degree, our characters are formed by our environment,
so the better the environment, the better the chances will be for a healthy character.
~E. Beidleman
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